I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
