I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
