I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I wish they made helmets for livers.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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