Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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