I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
