I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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