"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
