I just saw a hot homeless man
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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