he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
