she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
