Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
