I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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