Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
