remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
