Do you still have your period?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
