5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
