member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
