Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
