I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
