John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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