Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
