Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
