the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
