He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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