She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
