The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
