can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
