im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
