3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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