So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Two words: blizzard sex
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
