I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
