let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
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