i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
sarcasm needs its own font
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
