i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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