VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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