I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
