Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
