your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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