i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
