i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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