just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
