Your mouth is God's brothel.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
