At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
