Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Randomize
