Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
