At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
