He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
