she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
