gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You're like the curious george of whores
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
