Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
