just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
